Internet Dictator

None of this lame “elastic on the sink sprayer” or “loosening the salt shaker” buffoonery. Plan a Proper April Fools’ Day prank.

There’s a prize for the best compliance report, so use a valid email address when you post.

(Yes, the prize is real. It’s not an April Fools’ joke. That would be lame buffoonery. So spread the word.)

Write (and mail) a physical letter to someone.

Go outside and walk someplace new.

Eat pizza within 24 hours of reading this decree.